


Aku Cinta Kamu

by babyji



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 3x19, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 10:33:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18519652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyji/pseuds/babyji
Summary: this is basically my version of what I would like to happen in next week's episode (3x19) it is centred only on Malec's storyline so please do not expect other storylines to come into play. if you do not mind just reading about these two idiots then, please continue. I had so much fun writing this :)





	Aku Cinta Kamu

Magnus kept his hands in his pockets as he wanders the streets of New York alone, at the crack of dawn. He was thinking hard on what Jem had said to him last night. 

_“Listen. Magnus, are you hearing yourself? You want me to erase all your memories of Alec… why? Why would you ever want that?”_

_“Because! it's breaking me, Jem. I lost my magic, my apartment, and now the person I love more than anything in the world has left too, so— what do you expect me to do…? I can’t— I can’t live like this, it hurts too much…”_

_“I’m sorry that you are feeling this way my friend, but from all the stories you’ve told me, there is no way Alec would just leave you like that—”_

_“But he did! He did.” Magnus shouts, with his eyes brimmed with tears. His heart was in increasing pain with each passing second he spent thinking about Alec Lightwood breaking his heart._

_“I know you’re hurting Magnus and that pain is overpowering everything else, but you need to think properly. There has to be a reason why he did, what he did— and don’t you say that it’s because of you losing your magic when deep down, you know yourself that is absolute bull.”  
“Come back to me again, once you’ve calmed. And if, you still happen to want your memories erased… I won’t question you… now, just promise me, you’ll think this through.”_

Magnus stares at the golden lock hanging on the wall amongst hundreds of others. This was a place Alec had once dragged him to on a date. The engravings on it still read loud and clear and Magnus forced himself to look away. 

_“where are we going?” Magnus says a little hesitating. Alec held his hand and dragged him through the alleyway._

_“I told you, it’s a surprise—”_

_Magnus' eyes went wide and he stopped in his tracks, “I don’t like surprises.”_

_“what do you mean? you’re the king of them”_

_Magnus furrowed his brows. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Alec, but he had lived long enough to know that surprises usually never meant anything good, not like the way it has been portrayed in the movies._

_“you know, you start waving your hands around and I never know what’s going to show up in front of me.” Alec teases with his usual lopsided grin. He continued moving forward and Magnus unconsciously follows hesitating, he really had no clue what was happening._

_Alec had stopped in his tracks and reached his hands into his pockets and says, “okay. So there’s something that I wanted to do.” He pulls out a lock and it finally started to make sense._

_“oh. you wanna lock me up. thought you never asked.”_

_Alec stared at Magnus questionably before breaking into a smile, (after all, who just says something like that), “no, no. remember that bridge you brought me to in Paris last week? The one where people put their locks—”_

_“—to show their eternal love” Magnus continues. He was surprised that Alec had remembered something like that. In all of their time together, he’s never pegged Alec to be a romantic._

_“right” Alec replies as he continues forwards. “well they have a place like that here in new york too. look, I don’t know. I know it’s silly but I wanted us to have a lock too” they came at a standstill in front of the wall filled with hundreds of different coloured locks with stories they will never know._

_Magnus looked at Alec a little taken aback, he was truly not expecting this at all. He couldn’t help but smile fondly at the man. Alexander Lightwood really knows the way to his heart, and he does it all so effortlessly. Alec smiled back and held the golden lock in his hands. Magnus stared at it before blowing magic out, engraving the words ‘aku cinta kamu’ on it._

_“what does that say?”_

_“Aku cinta kamu. Indonesian for I love you.” Magnus replies. The love that Alec was making him feel was becoming so strong, he needed to speak in his native language. Alec looked at Magnus with the fondest eyes before leaning in._

_They kissed in the open air for everyone to see, and Magnus swore he’s never felt happier. Alexander Gideon Lightwood had properly stolen his heart. They pulled away with a smile on their faces and Alec hang the lock over the empty space to seal their love. They stared at the hanging lock with loving eyes knowing that they were looking at the physical representation for their undying love. Nothing’s ever felt this right._

Magnus hated the way that this memory was making him feel, he had to walk away. It wasn’t long until he made his way to the park they visited with Madzie. 

_Magnus was carrying madzie, and Alec held his hand as they strolled through central park. It was a beautiful summer’s day and they were babysitting madzie._

_“Magnus, I want ice cream” she pointed at ice cream man over by the corner, with his red pushcart. Magnus smiles and lets her down. Madzie immediately runs towards the man and Magnus followed behind, only to be stopped by Alec._

_“Here, let me.” He reaches out for his wallet before walking towards the little girl. Madzie had ordered a chocolate cone and after Alec had made the payment, he picked her up in his arms and headed towards Magnus._

_Magnus stared at both of them with a smile, thinking about how this was something he had always secretly wanted to have with someone. Knowing that he could experience this for even the slightest moment with the one that he loves meant the world to him. Madzie feeds the chocolate ice-cream to Alec before turning to Magnus and did the same._

_“Mm, delicious.” He says. The little girl giggled before being let down by Alec as she ran towards the swings. The two of them following slowly behind._

_“this is nice—” Alec says a little unexpectedly, before continuing with, “—y’know being here with madzie and stuff… we’re like a family…” He stares sheepishly at the man standing beside him. Magnus raised his brows questionably and Alec’s cheeks went a little red, upon realising what he had just implied, “I’m— I’m not expecting you to agree, agree with me… but do you think we could maybe have that… someday…” Alec stared at the ground attempting to hide his voice, but it was no use, Magnus had heard him anyways. He smiled and squeezed at their interlocked hands,_

_“With you, Alexander, it’s always a yes.”_

— 

Just like that, the intensity of Magnus’s feelings came crashing back, and he just feels so so tired. He’d never once imagined that there would be a day that he would find himself stranded in such cruel predicament. The day was just getting started but Magnus really needed a drink.

He dragged himself to the hunter’s moon and stood outside. His fingers hovering over the handle, hesitatingly, Magnus was reminded of the words he had said the previous night to Alec, about how he would stop drinking. It all didn’t matter anymore, Alec didn’t love him anymore and so, he presses his fingers down onto the handle and just when he was about to push the door open, he stops. 

It still mattered. He turned away, cursing underneath his breath. He wishes he knew what to do or where to go. Magnus doesn’t even have a place he could return to without being reminded of the love he’s lost. It was times like these that he misses Ragnor the most. After all, Ragnor Fell always seems to know what to do.

— 

In all of their years together, Jace swore he had never felt Alec like this. Their parabatai bonds were so strong, he found himself feeling miserable and he didn’t understand why. His thoughts were interrupted by Alec as they entered the office, “going in unarmed, I don’t like it.”

“it’s the only way to save clary,” Jace explained as he shuts the door. 

“Johnathan smells a rat, you’re a dead man.”

“I know— listen, he won’t, okay, we’re going to have real-time intel on their exact location— The second Isabelle is done with glorious we catch them off guard, separate Johnathan and Clary and then we kill him, once and for all.”

Alec stared at his best friend, doubting that the plan was even going to work. It was a dangerous mission and Johnathan wasn’t born yesterday. There were so many things that could go wrong but he decides to swallow his worry and heads towards his desk. He opens the drawer and took out a wooden box, inside containing two Seelie rings. “Now remember, in order for these rings to work and remain invisible, it's imperative that you stay alert.”

Jace took the first one and Alec reaches for the other before settling the box onto his desk. “What, you think I’m going to fall asleep?” The blonde teases and Alec just looked at him as though he was saying the words, you better not, before slipping the ring onto his index finger. Jace mirrored his actions and the rings disappeared. stranger things have happened, alec communicates telepathically. 

“Yeah. Hey— um, I know you said that the timing wasn’t right with Magnus the other day, but why didn’t you propose?” 

Alec crosses his arms defensively and sighs, “it’s complicated…”

Jace bits his lips and nods in understanding. He wanted to be careful as he asks the next question, “is that why he’s not here?” Alec swallows the lump in his throat and Jace continues, “Look, Alec, I can feel that there is something wrong.”

Alec licked his lips, there was no point lying to his parabatai and took a few seconds of silence to collect his thoughts, “Magnus and I broke up.” Jace knew that something was up but he never realised it would be something like this. He’s always thought that if there were two people who could work anything out, it’d be them. 

“what…? why?” Jace responded with worry, and it was in that moment, Alec knew that couldn’t continue the conversation without breaking down into tears so he diverted the conversation. 

“look, um- you’re going to be late—”

“Alec, there’s something you’re not telling me, what’s going on?”

“sometimes. life just doesn’t go the way you want it to.”

“alec—”

“please,” Alec says desperately, “go.” Jace bit his lips and decided not to pursue any further. Jace shuts the door on the way out and the tears Alec had been holding back came pouring out. He sniffled and brought a knuckle towards his mouth, keeping himself from making any unnecessary noises. He never thought that admitting out loud that Magnus and he were officially over would hurt this much.

— 

Izzy was still working on glorious when Alec entered the room. She had her lab coat and safety glasses on, staring intensely at the sample tubes. She didn’t even notice that her bother had entered the room until he started speaking, “how’s the progress?”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t noticed you entered—” Izzy took the safety glasses out and turned towards her brother, showing him the tube, “it’s going well, but I’m going to need a few more hours to make sure it’s perfect, is Jace going to be okay?”

“He’ll be fine. Just hurry— I don’t know how long he’s going to keep Johnathan fooled.”

The raven-haired girl nods in agreement and saw that her brother was just about to leave, she quickly slips the tube back into its rack and called out, “Alec, wait.” He turned around and Izzy had the words, **worry** written all over her face, “how are you doing?”

“I'm fine—”

“you’re not, Alec. I’m your sister. you don’t get to lie to me. I know you’re hurting and Jace does too, so please stop trying to push us away.”

“I know… you’re right… I’m sorry… It’s just— I can’t, I can’t believe I actually did it. Y’know he was crying, Iz… begging me to stay with him but I just left like it didn’t mean anything like he didn’t mean anything…” Alec was full blown crying now and Izzy just wrapped her arms around him, urging him to continue because it wasn’t good to keep things like this bottled in. “you’re right. I don’t think I’ll ever recover, it hurts too much…”

— 

The sky was turning dark as Magnus found himself sitting in the hospital’s lobby waiting for Catarina to end her shift. His eyes were red and tired from all the crying he’s done and he almost didn’t notice the footsteps approaching. “Magnus? What are you doing here?”

“Can we talk?"

Catarina nodded and they left for the park. It was unusual for Magnus to sound, much less look this vulnerable, Catarina was rightfully concerned. “so are you going to tell me what’s going on, or do I have to guess?”Magnus breathes in out and explained the whole ordeal as they strolled underneath the moonlight. The streets were dark from the lack of street lamps but it was fitting. Catarina was shocked beyond words when Magnus finishes going through what happened. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“That’s alright. It wasn’t your fault anyway. I didn’t know who else I could turn to.”

“oh Magnus, it may not seem like it but I’m always here for you… I know that you think erasing your memories of Alec seemed like the right thing to do but Jem’s right, there’s no way he would just break up with you just like that. That man loves you with all of his soul.”

Magnus forces a smile to show that he appreciates the comfort and adds, “who knows, maybe I just didn’t know him after all.”

“shut up. you know that’s not true. you’re just trying to find an excuse to stop the hurt.”

“and why would that be so bad—”

Suddenly, there was a flash of blue light in front of them and a man was stepping through a portal. Catarina raises her hands immediately preparing for an attack. The lack of light made it impossible for her to tell who the man was from a distance. However, Magnus already knew when he saw that flash of blue that reminded him of everything he’s lost. 

Magnus felt his blood boiling as Asmodeus approached, “what are you doing here?” 

“Is this how you welcome your father?” Asmodeus says. Magnus was already trying to step in front of Catarina, shielding her from whatever his father was planning to do. 

“Catarina, go. I’ll deal with him.”

“How? You don’t have your magic. I’m not going to leave you to die, Magnus.”

Asmodeus laughed as he heard their conversation, “you are all so dramatic— relax. I’m not here to kill anyone. not yet, anyway. I’m just coming to give you something back.”

Magnus furrowed his brows, unsure if he should be trusting his father’s words. Asmodeus steps closer and flicks his wrist, a sudden blue ball of energy appeared. “my… my magic…” Magnus says, feeling a little overwhelmed. Asmodeus looked at him and smiles darkly, “Yes. Now do you want it back or not.”

Catarina was suspicious and held her hand in front of Magnus's chest to stop him. “Don’t. What if he did something to it?” 

Magnus rolled his eyes. He hates when Catarina’s right. “why should I trust you?” He questions his father. 

“what? I can’t do something nice for my son? Magnus, I’m not going to offer again.”

Magnus looked towards Catarina with sympathetic eyes until she finally sighs and gives him the green light to step closer to his father. He inspects the energy ball trying to find any discrepancies, he had this magic for centuries, he knows exactly how it's supposed to look and feel like, just by standing close to it. Magnus turned back and gave a nod to Catarina letting her know that it was real before turning back to face his father once again. 

Asmodeus understood what it meant and began the transfusion. Blue streaks of light start appearing around Magnus's head as he was being pulled upwards by force. When the light disappears into his body, Asmodeus did too, leaving Catarina and him behind. Magnus recomposed himself before waving his hands, testing the magic. 

His clothes had magically transformed and he sighed in relieve. “I got my magic back.” He says in disbelief. Catarina smiles. Magnus definitely looked a little less jaded now than he once was. 

“that’s great.” 

‘i—i have to tell Alec.”

— 

Magnus portals himself just a little outside of the institute instead of Alec's office because he wanted to break the news the right way. He walked in with hurried footsteps and didn’t notice the girl coming from the corner, “oh— I'm sorry.”

“Magnus?” Izzy was shocked, she wasn’t expecting to see Magnus after what happened with Alec, much less bumped into him at the institute. 

“it’s lovely to see you again Isabelle and I’d love to stay and chat, but I have to speak with your brother immediately. where is he?”

“oh you found out, didn’t you?”  
“excuse me?”

“that he went to see Asmodeus”

“he… what?”

Izzy's eyes went wild when she realises what she had just done, “oh-oh no— magnus— wait—” but it was too late. Magnus was already heading towards the elevator, pressing the repeatedly at the close button. His heart was beating loud and heavy against his chest. It all finally made sense now and he was absolutely terrified. 

When Magnus arrived at his destination, he stepped out with hurried footsteps. He reached for the wooden handle and swing the door open, there was no time to knock. “you went to see my father?” Alec was startled when he saw Magnus enter. Just a few seconds ago, he was sitting by the desk, playing with something before throwing it immediately into his drawer and stood up. 

“Magnus? What are you— what are you doing here?” 

“it doesn’t matter why I’m here, Alec. Just answer my question. Did you go see my father or not?” 

“no.”

“then why do I have my magic back?”

“Maybe he was feeling nice— he is your father, after all.”

“Oh, don’t get witty on me. there’s no way he would just do something nice unconditionally, especially for me— He told you to break up with me didn’t he?”

“no, he didn’t.”

“Yes, he did— Alexander… I know you… I know you still love me, so please”

Magnus blurts out desperately as he reaches for his lover’s cheeks. He brought their faces close and Alec didn’t trust his voice so he kept quiet and adverted his gaze. He didn’t want to break in front of him. “just tell me the truth..” Magnus breathes. 

Alec finally found the courage to pull himself away from his grip, “I didn’t go to your father.” 

At this point, Magnus was getting impatient and annoyed that Alec still didn’t want to admit to the truth. “so, you’re telling me that you broke up with me because you wanted to?”

“ye—yes.” Alec swallowed and kept his gaze fixed on the ground. He knew that the moment he makes eye contact with Magnus, his facade would be broken in a matter of seconds. He promised he wasn’t going to let it happen, not if it meant guaranteeing Magnus's happiness and sacrificing his own. 

“I knew it. I knew I’d be too much—”

Alec looked up when he heard the sadness in Magnus' voice and he opens his mouth to speak only to be beaten to it first.

“—i knew a person like you, could never truly be happy with a person like me. I'm useless, a murderer, a devil’s spawn, not capable of love and to be loved— just an old, stupid warlock that everyone gets tired of at the end of the day.”

At this point, Alec had gone completely quiet. Magnus stared at the shadow-hunter with glassy eyes that glistened underneath the light. Alec wasted no time as he walked over to Magnus and pushes him against the wall, slamming his lips forcefully onto his. Alec parted his lips with his tongue and kissed him hard before pulling away, “shut up magnus, you’re not useless, you made a mistake when you were a child and so what if you’re a devil’s spawn. You are capable of love and you are loved. You make me the happiest I’ve ever been and with each waking minute I spent with you, I only crave for more. Magnus, I want to spend my life with you, I always did… it hurts to hear you say those things about yourself.”

Alec grazes his finger over Magnus's lips before kissing it again, leaving Magnus with no time to respond to his sudden outburst. He pulled away and continued, “i wanted to propose y’know, I had my family’s ring ready and everything was going according to plan but you came in, in all your honesty and I realised that I could never truly make you happy, at least not the way magic did…”

Magnus’s glassy eyes softened at alec’s downcast face and he reaches for his cheek, he never knew Alec had felt this way, “oh, you stupid Nephilim… as if I would choose my magic over you…”

Alec looked at him with tears in his eyes, he smiled, “then would you marry me, spent the rest of my fleeting life with me until you move on to another…”

Magnus grabbed him by his cheeks and pulled him closer until their foreheads were touching. “you might not believe me Alexander, but I have not and would not love anyone, the way I love you... of course, it's a yes”

“aku cinta kamu” alec whispers like a secret before leaning towards Magnus and kissed him for the third time that night.

— 

“so you already knew?”

“yes, your sister told me— but it was an accident so don’t blame her—”

“well I blame you— you manipulated me, how dare you—”

“for the record, you lied to me. I’d just assumed we’re just even now.”

“… you’re lucky I love you”

Magnus smiles before pecking his boyfriend on the cheek. He was sitting sideways on his lap with his hands thrown around his neck. He stares at the lightwood ring he has on his finger and smiles. 

“what are we going to do about your father?”

“oh, lets not worry about him right now Alexander, I just want to be here with the man that I love.”

Tomorrow was for tomorrow to worry about because, in the reality that they were living in, happiness never seemed to last. Being here with Alexander was the only thing that matters now because they were okay. They were finally okay— Magnus swore that if his Asmodeus ever shows up, he was going fight him until the pits of hell if it meant keeping Alexander safe like this, in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> you've reached the end. how was it? if u had enjoyed it, please leave me some comments or kudos, I'll really appreciate it. oh! and for those of you who are reading this after the episode airs, did i even get anywhere near their breakdown canon hahhaha


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